Ruling Authority to 'let Texas go'
A spokesperson for the R.A. announced its decision yesterday, saying: "Texas is too big, too different, and just too damn difficult to remain in the union... and they never wanted to be a part of the...
View ArticleRuling Authority announces first congressional draft
In its first pick in the new congressional draft, the Ruling Authority selected Arnold Sayers of New Ipswitch, Maine. The thirty-eight year old plumber was dragged kicking and screaming from his home...
View Articlejustice Scalia Gets Knuckles Rapped
93 Year-old Sister Maria Inamorata caused a stir today when she halted court proceedings to admonish Justice Antonin Scalia. In the middle of a series of caustic questions the Justice was delivering to...
View ArticleJester Program Suffers Setbacks
Harley Quinn died last week at a Glenn Beck event. The 47 year-old comic assigned to Beck by The Ruling Authority choked on his own words and died on-stage before an audience of Mr. Beck's fans. The...
View Article'Cruz' Control Needed, Says Immigration Reform Advocate
Lester Montoya, speaking for the group Rational Law Reform, said yesterday that Texas Senator Ted Cruz has gone too far in his latest proposed amendment to the senate bill designed to overhaul...
View ArticleLinguistic Balkanization of Congress Studied
Luci Tung, Phd. in Linguistic Research at Babel University, has recently released her groundbreaking study of the increase in disparity of the meaning of common English words as used by members of the...
View ArticleCorporate C.E.O.s Organize for More Pay
Ever since President Ronald Reagan busted the air-traffic controllers' union, organized labor has been on the decline. Now, that trend has begun to change with the formation of the 'Fortune 500...
View ArticleCorporate C.E.O.s Organize for More Pay
Ever since President Ronald Reagan busted the air-traffic controllers' union, organized labor has been on the decline. Now, that trend has begun to change with the formation of the 'Fortune 500...
View ArticleRadical Extremist Grammarians Riot at Library of Congress
Members of the Red Pencil Faction of the P.L.O. (Pedants for Literacy Organization) clashed with riot police on the steps of the Library of Congress yesterday morning. Carrying signs that read...
View ArticleCongrressional Scheduling Conflicted
Since the U.S. Congress has been in recess through the month of August and will be in session for only nine days in September, the leadership is having difficulties in finding a time slot to fit in...
View ArticleTrump to Join GOP Comedy Tour
The comedy trio of Bachman, Gohmert, and King bombed in Cairo. Critics say that they need a fourth member, perhaps with odd red hair, to really wow a difficult audience. Larry, Curly, and Moe could...
View ArticleThe American People Speak, Boehner Hears Voices
Steely blue eyes ablaze with conviction, Speaker of the House John Boehner (R - Ohio) expresses the will of the American People. In virtually every speech, the phrase "the American People want" passes...
View ArticleRuling Authority to Re-Institute HUAC, Cites New "Red Scare"
In light of attempts to dismantle the United States government by "red district" congressmen and dangerous outside groups, the R.A. plans to bring back the House Un-American Activities Committee. The...
View ArticleChina Announces 900 Dash Line
China is becoming increasingly confident in its dealings with the rest of the world, flexing its economic clout and heightened military power. Its controversial Nine-dash line attempts to shoulder the...
View ArticleGummint Sausage Analysis
Some have said that it is never advisable to look too closely at what goes into the making of sausage; that doing so can reduce one's appetite for the product. However, in the interest of public health...
View ArticleGummint Sausage Analysis
Some have said that it is never advisable to look too closely at what goes into the making of sausage; that doing so can reduce one's appetite for the product. However, in the interest of public health...
View ArticleStrange Game, Odd Team
Red Team Looking to Fall Playoffs. Spring is in the air and with it comes a strong whiff of manure being spread on the playing fields. Training commenced at the recent CPAC outing where team owners...
View ArticleStrange Game, Odd Team - Red Team Looking to Fall Playoffs
Spring is in the air and with it comes a strong whiff of manure being spread on the playing fields. Training commenced at the recent CPAC outing where team owners Charles and David Koch and principal...
View ArticleJustice Department Indicts Mortgage Czar
In the wake of the 2008 financial crisis stemming from massive mortgage security fraud, the Justice Department, under increasing pressure to hold someone (anyone) accountable, has named Patrick "Patsy"...
View ArticleG.O.P. Looking Ahead, Far Ahead
Elated, but not content with new ballot restrictions imposed in nine swing states since 2013, Republicans are seeking to further reduce Democratic participation in future elections by 'potential' Dems...
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